Coping with uncertainty can feel overwhelming and exhausting. For me, this experience hit home recently as my partner and I faced a significant period of unpredictability in our lives.
My boyfriend and I met while he was playing football in Finland. We ended up moving in together quite soon after we started dating, and everything went quite smoothly. I was working as a teacher, he was playing professionally in a football club close to where we lived. We visited his home country, Japan, once a year between football seasons.
However, now as we’re nearing the beginning of a new season in Finland, my boyfriend has yet to make a new contract with any team. This is a completely new and unsettling experience for both of us.
Two months ago, he returned to Japan because his visa expired, while I stayed behind due to my work commitments. Although I visited him and his family for a couple of weeks during New Year, being separated for an extended period took a heavy toll on me.
I had faced long-distance separation before, but this time was different. Previously, I knew what to expect upon his return, but this time, everything was uncertain. Left alone with my worries about the future, I struggled to cope.
With a seven-hour time difference between us, we barely had time to talk. My anxious thoughts spiraled: What if he couldn’t return to Finland? What if he signed with a team in a different city, and I couldn’t follow him? The constant mental noise felt like a storm I couldn’t escape. My anxiety manifested in physical symptoms — headaches, sleeplessness, stomach issues, mood swings, and weight loss. I knew I had to address it.
I tried everything: yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, healthy eating, exercise, and doing activities I enjoyed. Yet nothing seemed to bring relief. I realized I needed to confront the root cause of my anxiety. What was I truly afraid of? The answer was surprisingly simple: I was terrified of being alone. Every anxious thought boiled down to that core fear.
Once I understood this, I began reshaping my mindset. I moved from being paralyzed by anxiety to feeling hopeful and excited about our future together. This shift didn’t happen overnight, but a few key strategies made a significant difference. Here’s how:
1. Focus on What You Can Control
My first breakthrough was recognizing what mattered most to me. Initially, I believed staying in Finland and keeping my stable, well-paid job was the smart choice. But deep down, the decision was clear: money couldn’t compare to being with my boyfriend. I chose to prioritize our relationship. Wherever he would go, I would follow.
2. Focus on What You Can Control
I couldn’t dictate my boyfriend’s career decisions or predict the future, but I could take proactive steps. I prepared for various outcomes by saving money, researching how to quit my job, selling furniture, and exploring work opportunities in other cities or countries. Shifting my energy to actionable tasks gave me a sense of agency.
3. Embrace Flexibility and Adaptability
Rather than fearing change, I decided to welcome it. I carved out moments each day to daydream about our exciting, unpredictable future. Writing down these dreams helped make them feel more tangible. I reminded myself how resourceful and capable both my boyfriend and I are. Together, we could thrive anywhere.
4. Trust Your Own Decisions
Living close to my parents had subtly influenced my decision-making. Even though they were supportive and non-controlling, I often considered their opinions too much. To reclaim my independence, I imagined a scenario where they didn’t exist. What would I do if I had no external opinions to consider? This exercise clarified my true desires and gave me confidence in my choices.
5. Moving Forward with Confidence
These mindset shifts calmed my anxiety and filled me with optimism. Even as I write this, our situation remains uncertain. But now, instead of dread, I feel eager anticipation for the adventures ahead. Facing the unknown feels far less daunting when I trust in our ability to navigate it together.
If you’re dealing with similar challenges, I’d love to hear your story. Have these strategies helped you? Share your thoughts!